On limitations

It is easy to see the beginning of things. Then there are the unexpected courses that inevitably interfere with the best laid plans. Broken resolves have been a source of contention with me for as long as I can remember. I have never gone camping before and I really enjoyed it, however I have decided to come home and finish this trip in increments; for many reasons. I did not sleep at all last night because of the eerie noises and did not trust my ability to make a long drive. After I set up camp and enjoyed the flood of summer rain the night was ready to fall. I laid restless in my tent, anxious as I heard footsteps in the leaves. Looking out the door of the tent I discovered it was a deer and not someone trying to harm me in any way. That did not change the fact that I would not sleep a wink. I struggled with excepting the limitations of my body and of my mind, I really wanted to do this. Even if I got through that day I know that this could very well happen again, which could be dangerous especially with the elevations I hiked and planned to hike. In fact it was difficult for me in the extreme. Of course there where a million different scenarios. I thought what I could do had the circumstances been different, the timing been different, had I been different. In my imagination there was no extreme heat, scary noises, aching back, or traffic jams. I will go all of the places I want to go but my imagination wanted to do them all at the same time. The lesson in this story for me is that it’s okay and no person is worse for my choice to break up my adventures into smaller excursions. I recognize this now for what it is and not what I can concoct in my imagination. I am always desirous of so much life at once because I know how precious time is. I am going to continue this blog as I work on my book and prepare to start grad school in the Fall. I live and I take chances. I write because I am compelled to and because it helps me to understand things. In freeing myself of the expectations of others and of myself; I have discovered a new realm of my creativity that I am eager to get to know. 

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